Lesbian

All my life I have to admit I have been attracted to women, but I follow normal social roles and I have dated, been engaged as well as have a child by a man….Ultimately I am unhappy, but I live this way to  please my very Catholic family. I have never enjoyed sex from a man and yes I find men attractive, but not in the same was a heterosexual woman would. Where other women are like OMG I have to have him…I’m thinking he’s ok looking. As for sex with a man I lay there an fake moan and then tell the man that it was great when in all actuality I’m wishing that I was not laying next to him at all. Most of my relationships have ended because of me. Men state that they don’t want a girlfriend that is not affectionate. Truth is I want to scream I don’t want to be affectionate with you, because I like women. When I do sleep with a man I have to watch lesbian porn, because any other sexual contact bothers me; in fact when I’m done sleeping with a man I get dressed and treat him like it was nothing. I guess I’m tired of living this way and I want to live my life like I know I should. I have had a few relationships with women and they fair much better for me one because I am willing to be affectionate and I really enjoy the sex. Being a sociologist you would think that I would not have problems with this. I tell my clients and people that I encounter to be true to them and at the end I am not true to myself. (Such a Hypocrite). At this point because I have a child it is more difficult to come out of the closet and because of my son’s health issues I really need my family support and the fear of them turning their back on me is my biggest issue. (Although I am almost 31, I remember my mother’s statement when taking me to college “Don’t come back a lesbian”) I thought to myself too late you should have said that in JR High! I guess I am so use to being the child that never disappoints….but I’m thinking that its time to disappoint. I really don’t know what to do can’t stay in the closet forever. The post Let me out of here…but I just cant! appeared first on The Lesbian Question.

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When I was a kid I had kind of a big crush on Jane from "Jane Says".

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Vanessa's Team Pick: Queerituality is a collection of portraits and stories from LGBTQ people about their religious journeys and their spiritual lives. If you are a queer person of faith, you should add your voice.