Movies

Tales From The CryptkeeperSeason 2, Episode 04The Weeping Woman"What do you get when you cross a witch with an igloo? A cold spell!"The Cryptkeeper's evening at the opera is interrupted by the Old Witch, and they exchange a little "witt...
Tales From The CryptkeeperSeason 2, Episode 04The Weeping Woman"What do you get when you cross a witch with an igloo? A cold spell!"The Cryptkeeper's evening at the opera is interrupted by the Old Witch, and they exchange a little "witty" banter before Crypty begins tonight's terror tale.Camille and Mildred, a pair of intrepid young ghost hunters, have recently retired so that Mildred can pursue her dream of collecting teddy bears. Seriously. While on a road trip, they suffer car problems during a thunderstorm, and are forced to take shelter in a spooky old manse at the top of a hill. Nothing bad can come from that, right?That night they are visited by the angry specter of a woman, and despite their retirement, Camille and Mildred have to figure out a way to help the spirit find peace and be laid to rest.This is an extremely slow episode, and the story is mediocre at best. Anyone who is the least bit familiar with ghost stories will figure out exactly how the episode ends long before it actually does. It's kind of like Mama for kindergartners. Only much more tiresome, tedious, and snooze-inducing.--J/Metro
about 1 hour ago
(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2007)"Who farted?"And with that, my friends, you get the perfect indicator of the level of humor that's in store for you when you recklessly insert DELTA FARCE (2007) into your...
(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2007)"Who farted?"And with that, my friends, you get the perfect indicator of the level of humor that's in store for you when you recklessly insert DELTA FARCE (2007) into your DVD player. If you adjust your expectations accordingly, you may enjoy yourself. Otherwise--"well, we warned you." Maybe this film should open with a prologue from Edward Van Sloan, like DRACULA.This is the first time I've ever seen Larry the Cable Guy, and judging from this, he wasn't really worth David Cross getting all that worked up about. He's just a comic playing the character of a politically-incorrect moron based on a particular regional stereotype, same as Andrew "Dice" Clay. The film opens with Larry as an inept waiter in a greasy-spoon restaurant ("Don't mind the hair--I've been usin' a new conditioner") being informed by his skanky girlfriend that she's pregnant. The joyful Larry cranks up the P.A. system and announces the good news to everyone, then proposes. His girlfriend takes the mike to inform him that the baby isn't his. It's a mildly funny scene, but not "guffaw" funny, which pretty much describes the rest of the film.Bill Engvall plays Bill, the henpecked married guy who would love to get a divorce but can't because his wife has incriminating pictures of him, and whose vision of paradise is a murder-suicide pact. I like Engvall's hangdog style and low-key delivery, and "Bill" is my favorite character. Rounding out the trio is 97-pound weakling Everett, played by THE CORE's D.J. Qualls. He's a bit of a pervert who lives in a storage facility and likes to expose himself while brandishing a samurai sword. These are our heroes, god help us.As members of the Army Reserve, these three morons are "weekend warriors", so to speak, but the base that they report to is so lax that their monthly duty is spent getting drunk and eating junk food--until super-scary pitbull D.I. Sgt. Kilgore (our old pal Keith David of THE THING and ARMAGEDDON) shows up to chew their sorry butts out and announce that they're being shipped off to Iraq. At that point, the unsuspecting Everett blows in with a sack full of beer and whips out a long, tubular meat product with the greeting, "Hey, Sarge! Snap into a Slim Jim!" Okay, I laughed. But it wasn't technically a guffaw.During their flight to Iraq, the plane runs into trouble and the pilot is forced to dump their cargo, including a jeep that Larry, Bill, and Everett have crawled into for some shut-eye. Sgt. Kilgore gets tangled up in some rope and is also ejected. Thus, our heroes parachute into danger and find themselves in the middle of the Iraqi desert, ready to engage the enemy. They find Sgt. Kilgore, declare him dead, and bury him. Trouble is, he isn't dead. And on top of that, they aren't in Iraq--they're in Mexico.Eventually, the three warriors happen upon a small village that is being pillaged and terrorized by bandits. When they decide to use their superior military training and resources to help the villagers, DELTA FARCE surprisingly becomes a deft modern-day retelling of Akira Kurasawa's classic THE SEVEN SAMURAI as filtered through John Sturges' THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN. Just kidding. It's more like a variation of THE THREE AMIGOS as filtered through the Three Stooges, sprinkled with leftover material from Jeff Foxworthy's act and shot on the Monogram backlot. Robert Rodriguez stock player Danny Trejo seems to be having a great time playing the bandit leader, Carlos Santana (people keep asking him, "Carlos Santana, the guitar player?" and he angrily retorts, "No! I'm the real Carlos Santana!") The grateful villagers fall in love with Larry, Bill, and Everett (well, maybe not Everett) and I enjoyed seeing them basking in the adoration. For sheer novelty value, I also enjoyed seeing Keith David in a red, see-through nightie, which actually happens in this movie. Really, I never thought I'd ever see that particular thing. Other memorable moments:
about 1 hour ago
Honestly, we thought about not doing this story so we'd have a better chance of scoring one of these bad boys ourselves, but because we love you guys, here's news on the latest Mondo posters coming our way. Here's the word...
Honestly, we thought about not doing this story so we'd have a better chance of scoring one of these bad boys ourselves, but because we love you guys, here's news on the latest Mondo posters coming our way. Here's the word from Mondo: Tomorrow (May 23rd) we will be selling three prints, previously sold at this year's Texas Frightmare Weekend: THE THING by Randy Ortiz, SON OF FRANKENSTEIN (two versions) by Rich Kelly, and WHITE ZOMBIE by Ghoulish Gary Pullin. Thank you to those who came out to support us at Frightmare. TFW has afforded us the opportunity to get genre-heavy, for two years in a row now. Special thanks to the Lugosi Estate for their help in seeing our vision of WHITE ZOMBIE and SON OF FRANKENSTEIN come to life. More detailed shots of each poster can be found on the Mondo Blog. Be sure to follow @MondoNews on Twitter for the on-sale announcement as these posters will be available online at a random time on Thursday, May 23rd. VISIT THE EVILSHOP @ AMAZON! Got news? Click here to submit it! Pray you can grab one of these in the comments section below!
about 1 hour ago
Tom: Shales: "Kind of like 'Top Chef,' but with holy smoke."
Tom: Shales: "Kind of like 'Top Chef,' but with holy smoke."
about 2 hours ago
Seventh reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-R...
Seventh reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll, Tyrese Gibson, Vin Diesel
about 2 hours ago
Sixth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Rol...
Sixth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll, Michelle Rodriguez
about 2 hours ago
Fifth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Rol...
Fifth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll, Luke Evans, Sung Kang, Ludacris
about 2 hours ago
Fourth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Ro...
Fourth reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll, Gal Gadot
about 2 hours ago
Third reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Rol...
Third reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll, Gina Carano, Elsa Pataky
about 2 hours ago
Second reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll
Second reel of seven from the City Walk premiere for Fast & Furious 6. Clip shows a compilation of footage from the red carpet. Filed Under: Fast & Furious 6 Tags: Universal Pictures, Action, Franchise/Epic/Trilogy, Thriller, B-Roll
about 2 hours ago