So I took a little break but I'm back now. I know every post in the last three months starts like that but I was literally on vacation so it was legit this time and not before where I was just napping and drooling a lot while on Pintere...
So I took a little break but I'm back now. I know every post in the last three months starts like that but I was literally on vacation so it was legit this time and not before where I was just napping and drooling a lot while on Pinterest too much.
Let's catch up on some things and I'll tell you about me and then you tell me about you. As long as 'you' doesn't involve going on a real vacation to some resort somewhere involving saltwater and good hair in which case you should just unfollow this blog post haste because your cute beach bangs are pissing me off already.
I had a half vacation/half staycation last week which is like the half-caf of holidays and just as douchey. For the half vacation part I ventured to the heart of the South, my dear neighbor and inbred cousin, Alabama. There I partook of lots of fun Alabama things like hugging people, thrifting, drinking, watching Netflix, drinking and looking at trailers.
That's almost exactly like my staycation now that I think about it...
But there was one spot that I visited that felt special and think you would like.
I spent a lazy Sunday morning at The Overall Company which is a great little coffee house slash house of hipster jizz and antiques and amazing things.
Way to go, Alabama. Chattanooga is jealous.
I told you it was a special place. And not special like the It's Fashion I went to either last week which was special but in a different way. Special because I felt like a pioneer blazing a trail to a place I'd never been before which was confirmed by the rainbow of colors and the sales associate when she straight up asked "You... haven't been here before, have you?"
To which I adjusted my nerd girl glasses and said indeed I hadn't. I don't know how she could tell. But the jokes on her because I bought two dresses and DON'T YOU JUDGE ME EITHER THEY'RE CUTE.
But not as cute as this place.
A spider also floated down from the ceiling as I was in the dressing room of It's Fashion so... there's that.
But I had a live cockroach fall out of a shirt I was trying on at a Marshall's one time so I think the real lesson here is stop being such a cheap bitch and go to a gawddamned mall where there are nicer stores like Forever 21 and Rack Room Shoes.
The staycation part of my adventure was really exciting as well. Between dealing with the torturous pain of an oncoming zit on the side of my nose and cleaning out my closet, I felt exactly like how Kim Kardashian must feel all the time: like a queen.
Of terrible things. AKA Kanye West.
But I soon forgot my pain because I had more important things to attend to...
...and Benedick Cumbersnatch did not disappoint. (My snatch)
I'm the lamest vacationer ever but this is what happens when you're poor and don't plan well.
And when I wasn't shifting uncomfortably in my seat thinking about Star Trek, I had a full Game of Thrones marathon that involved lots of Cool Ranch Doritos tacos and a not-surprising lack of pants.
I think I cried y'all. That shit was intense. I even had to sit down my taco for a few moments.
But on to shit that you really care about - I'm growing my nails out like it's 2012!
I'm on my way to looking like this:
The cashier at EarthFare and I had a deep and involved conversation over my organic beans about the pointed nails and she, having had them before, told me they were great.
Modern manicures. It takes a village, y'all.
In other important black events (please don't make an It's Fashion joke - that's racist), I think it's time we start defacing some statues:
These are from a Danish artist Uncle Allan but I bet we could DIY these with some fake limoges from the thrift store and some evil intentions. Pinterest would probably weep and I would laugh and laugh.
But if that kind of DIY scares yo