Satirical News

The Airforce once successfully destroyed an Earth-orbiting satellite from an airplane! In order to properly test equipment, the US Air Force has to make some sacrifices. In 1985, President Reagan ordered a rather expensive test. He authorized a test that would hopefully result in the destruction of an orbiting satellite. Specifically, an air-launched anti-satellite multi-stage missile (ASAT) would be launched at the Solwind P78-1, an orbiting satellite that had been launched in February 1979. On September 13, 1985, Major Wilbert D. “Doug” Pearson flew a “Celestial Eagle” F-15A 76-0084 launched an ASM-135 ASAT and destroyed the Solwind P78-1 The ASAT collided with the satellite at 15,000 mph. Prior to the test, NASA modeled the effects of the destruction and determined that debris from the Solwind satellite would still be orbiting around Earth until the 1990s. This caused NASA to increase debris-shielding plans for their space station. (Source)

The harsh punishments found in Alfred Hitchcock films stem from his childhood! Alfred Hitchcock is admired by movie buffs around the world because of his ability to create early techniques of suspense and is seen as the man who paved the way for psychological thrillers. Hitchcock also introduced 'first person' shooting to movies, an effect which makes the film seem more realistic by shooting part of the movie as if from one of the character's eyes. Hitchcock had no fear when it came to movie making, and often put his characters in extreme forms of punishment to make the audience cringe and feel as if the movie was authentic. In fact, many scholars have argued that the punishments in Hitchcock films actually stems from several incidents throughout his childhood in which he was punished by his father. One example of such cruel punishment, is when Hitchcock's father sent him to the police station with a note asking to put him in jail for five minutes because of bad behavior. His dad hoped this would teach Alfred a lesson, little did he know it would help shape elements in 50 Alfred Hitchcock films. (Source)

The Vehicle Assembly Building at NASA's Kennedy Space Center is so large that rain clouds form inside it. VAB, for short, was used from 1968 to 2011 to build and store American space vehicles. By volume it is one of the largest buildings in the world, at 3,664,883 cubic meters. Additionally, it is the largest single story building in the world, and until 1974 was the tallest building in Florida. Today, it is the tallest building in the US outside of urbanized cities like New York and Cincinnati. The VAB completed it's construction in 1966 and was first used to build the Saturn V rocket for the Apollo program. After that it was used for housing Space Shuttle fuel tanks and other flight hardware, and served as a place where Space Shuttle orbiters were attached to rocket boosters. At 526 feet tall, 716 feet long, and 518 feet wide, it covers 8 acres of land. At such a size, on very humid days the building has it's own weather, with rain clouds forming below the ceiling. The building has a moisture reduction system to mitigate this problem, though. What’s odd is that the building is made to withstand hurricanes and tropical storms, but weather still appears inside it. (Source)

BREAKING NEWS – Phoenix, Arizona – During the penalty phase of her trial, Jodi Arias begs the jury to spare her life. She displays to them a t-shirt she  designed, and states that if they will sentence her to life in prison instead of death, she will sell them her new product at a 20% discount plus shipping and handling.

BREAKING NEWS – Phoenix, Arizona – In her most recent on camera interview, convicted killer Jodi Arias states that she is extremely disappointed that she was unable to fulfill her final dream before being sentenced to prison. She said she wanted to be interviewed on live tv at length by CNN’s Nancy Grace, who has been very critical of her behavior in court. But halfway through the questioning, Arias said she would surprise her with a hidden shank.

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Janet Jackson gets candid on the real reason why she plans on converting to Islam. She said she wants to secretly make contacts with any number of Middle Eastern terrorist organizations to learn how to make improvised explosives, so she can lob them at her freeloading brothers when she sees them coming up her walkway about to beg for more money.

This posse of baboon burglars were filmed running amok inside a property in the tourist town of Betty's Bay last month.

The prices seemed too good to be true and they were.

Police in Florida said a man whose bank robbery attempt failed allegedly went across the street and robbed a drugstore instead.

Tripping on LSD has helped at least 2 Nobel Prize winners with their scientific discoveries! Lysergic acid diethylamide, simply known as LSD because its name is somewhat of a tongue twister, is an extremely controversial yet powerful hallucinogen. The reason for LSD's controversy is because many of the users of the drug insist that the drug has aided them in becoming a better person, and that they've been able to do things that they couldn't do while sober. Two examples of this are Nobel Prize Winners Kary Mullis, who discovered how to amplify certain DNA sequences so that we can view them. The second example is the case of Francis Crick, the man who discovered the double helix structure that DNA is formed in. That's right - the guy who came up with the double helix shape you studied in grade school, was tripping on acid. However, the drug is such a strong hallucinogen, and many feel that the drug is unsafe because many people have died after believing their hallucinations to be real. For example, the classic 'I'm flying' hallucination found in cartoons where the user thinks they've gained the ability to fly, and they jump off something very high...only to find that they can't actually fly. (Source)