Satirical News

The oldest dog in history is still alive today and will turn 30 this year! A terrier-cross in Louisiana called Max holds the record for being the world's oldest known living dog. Born in August 1983, Max has been a part of Janelle Derouen's family ever since. Max has also enjoyed fine health into his older years. As of a few years ago, he only had mild arthritis and some cataracts. The owner says that he never spoiled the dog, and never even fed him any food from their table. Using the rule of thumb for translating dog years into human years; in August, he will have lived for 210 human years. Here's to hoping he gets to live many more years. (Source)

Wanna look buff and muscular? Use hemorrhoid cream! Do not use as directed, I guess. Bodybuilders have a special secret for looking extra buff when they need to: Hemorrhoid cream. The cream draws water from the skin, which in turn reduces puffiness and swelling. This makes it an ideal topical solution for thinning your skin, and making it cling more tightly to your muscles, making them look more defined. You can use the cream for other things like: Reducing dark under eye circles, lessen your blemish welling, reducing wrinkles and even treating cold sores! Just remember that if you're using this cream anywhere near your mouth, make sure you don't accidentally ingest any of it. (Source)

Rachel Larris of Name It Change It posted a story about changes made to a profile of Senator Kirsten Gillibrand that originally aired on May 16 during NPR’s Morning Edition. The original story, among other things, referred to the New … Read more

A dangerous new cleaver-juggling craze in America threatens to cut a deep gash in the population as President Obama, clearly bedraggled from recent Congress pressure, declared his support for the extreme sport. The craze was started by Lincoln Abr...

Lysol was once advertised as a feminine hygiene product and birth control. To be clear, unlike products such as Viagra and Kleenex, which were made for one purpose and were discovered to be highly useful for another, Lysol was always a disinfectant. Never was it specifically made as birth control, yet from the 1920’s until the 1960’s, it was largely marketed for reasons other than cleaning doorknobs or tables like we use it for today. Advertising suggested that Lysol should be used for feminine hygiene, and that it was a highly effective birth control product due it's supposed ability to kill sperm. Of course, this wasn’t quite an era where one could say anything false for forty years without someone finding out, so Lysol invented European doctors to give credibility to their claims. What’s shocking is that products like Lysol were the leading contraceptives until 1960, when oral contraceptives were introduced. So did Lysol work? Nope. A study showed that 250 out of 507 women using the disinfectant got pregnant, which was about the same as those using no birth control at all. What’s worse, Lysol usage as contraceptive could cause severe inflammation, burning, and even death, in several cases. (Source)

I just paid $300.00 for some everyday all purpose 3D glasses. No matter what I look at, it’s in 3D, mainly because the frame does not have any lenses. Anyway, everything looks so real!

Dear Blake, I’m a working single mother with three teenage boys. School is about to be let out for the summer, and I was wondering if you have suggestions what I can have them doing until they go back to class in September. Signed, Harriet, from Cincinnati, Ohio * * * * * * * * Dear Harriet, Being a working single mother is difficult, so my hat goes off to you. Having three teenage boys that can be very creative on how to entertain themselves, is a troubling combination. If you are a Christian, it will serve you best, that every day that you come home from work and the house is still standing, for you to praise God! If you have access to a television or a radio while you’re a t work, keep them tuned in to the news, listening for stories regarding fires. Also, you should have the phone numbers of any reasonably priced well established criminal defense attorneys, in the likelihood that you’ll need their services over the next few months. But even if your sons avoid any run-ins with the law, boys will be boys. And the odds are, sometime next spring, you’ll become a grandmother. I hope this helps. Blake

VIOLETS

Champaign, Illinois: America's corn-feed children not so content with what's on the menu. Local boy, Timothy Withers, son of Shirley and Michael Withers, weighs a very robust sum of 123 pounds. The boy stands at 3 feet tall, and has an appetite of a...

Although there are often reports of idiotic burglars who fall asleep or do other unbelievable things while attempting to rob a house, this case might just be the stupidest.