Satirical News

The Vehicle Assembly Building at NASA's Kennedy Space Center is so large that rain clouds form inside it. VAB, for short, was used from 1968 to 2011 to build and store American space vehicles. By volume it is one of the largest buildings in the world, at 3,664,883 cubic meters. Additionally, it is the largest single story building in the world, and until 1974 was the tallest building in Florida. Today, it is the tallest building in the US outside of urbanized cities like New York and Cincinnati. The VAB completed it's construction in 1966 and was first used to build the Saturn V rocket for the Apollo program. After that it was used for housing Space Shuttle fuel tanks and other flight hardware, and served as a place where Space Shuttle orbiters were attached to rocket boosters. At 526 feet tall, 716 feet long, and 518 feet wide, it covers 8 acres of land. At such a size, on very humid days the building has it's own weather, with rain clouds forming below the ceiling. The building has a moisture reduction system to mitigate this problem, though. What’s odd is that the building is made to withstand hurricanes and tropical storms, but weather still appears inside it. (Source)

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Janet Jackson gets candid on the real reason why she plans on converting to Islam. She said she wants to secretly make contacts with any number of Middle Eastern terrorist organizations to learn how to make improvised explosives, so she can lob them at her freeloading brothers when she sees them coming up her walkway about to beg for more money.

This posse of baboon burglars were filmed running amok inside a property in the tourist town of Betty's Bay last month.

The prices seemed too good to be true and they were.

Police in Florida said a man whose bank robbery attempt failed allegedly went across the street and robbed a drugstore instead.

Tripping on LSD has helped at least 2 Nobel Prize winners with their scientific discoveries! Lysergic acid diethylamide, simply known as LSD because its name is somewhat of a tongue twister, is an extremely controversial yet powerful hallucinogen. The reason for LSD's controversy is because many of the users of the drug insist that the drug has aided them in becoming a better person, and that they've been able to do things that they couldn't do while sober. Two examples of this are Nobel Prize Winners Kary Mullis, who discovered how to amplify certain DNA sequences so that we can view them. The second example is the case of Francis Crick, the man who discovered the double helix structure that DNA is formed in. That's right - the guy who came up with the double helix shape you studied in grade school, was tripping on acid. However, the drug is such a strong hallucinogen, and many feel that the drug is unsafe because many people have died after believing their hallucinations to be real. For example, the classic 'I'm flying' hallucination found in cartoons where the user thinks they've gained the ability to fly, and they jump off something very high...only to find that they can't actually fly. (Source)

HONORING THE FALLEN

The man who tackled the 2011 Tucson shooter was a 74yo war veteran who had been shot himself! On January 8, 2011, 6 innocent people were shot dead while having a meeting held in a parking lot, and another 13 people were injured in the gunfire. The gunman appeared out of nowhere during the 'Congress at your Corner' open forum, and appeared to shoot randomly at people in the crowd with a semi automatic pistol featuring a 33 round magazine. When the gunman stopped to reload, he dropped his magazine, where the bystander Patricia Maisch grabbed it. Distracted by Patricia, the gunman failed to notice another bystander running at him with a folding chair, and was hit on the top of the head which further dazed him. Then, a 74 y ear old retired war veteran named Bill Badger, who had already been shot, ran at the gunman who was later identified as Jared Lee Loughner, and tackled him to the ground until police officials arrived on the scene. It was because of the efforts of these three individuals, that Loughner was brought to justice and is now serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. (Source)

Bailey's has real cream. The alcohol prevents it from spoiling for at least 2 years! Bailey's Irish Cream, is an Irish Whiskey and cream based liqueur, with an alcohol content of about 17% - not too strong, and not too weak. Bailey's was initially created by a division of International Distillers and Vinters known as the Gilbeys of Ireland. The company was looking for a beverage they could sell on the international market, and in 1974, the world renowned liqueur was invented. Through a process that is only known by few, the liqueur and cream that make up Bailey's Irish Cream are blended together so that they don't separate during storage. Storage, can last up to 30 months after the beverage was first distilled. The whiskey contains no added preservatives, because the liqueur is acting as somewhat of a natural preservative which keeps the cream from spoiling, even after two years of sitting on the shelf. (Source)

A seeing-eye dog had bleach squirted in its eyes at a Publix grocery store when a 67-year-old woman intentionally sprayed the animal in an unprovoked attack, a police report says.