With very special insights from Paydn Harvey
Do you know someone who’s still riding a board from the 90s? Nostalgia may be hip as fuck right now, but if they’re riding it without ANY irony, someone should do them a solid and ...
With very special insights from Paydn Harvey
Do you know someone who’s still riding a board from the 90s? Nostalgia may be hip as fuck right now, but if they’re riding it without ANY irony, someone should do them a solid and let them know — snowboards have gotten better in the last decade. We care, and so should you, because everyone should have the best possible time on the hill, and with no sarcasm at all I say, your set up does matter. So, let’s all work together on this one. In this uber-PC world, you have to be gentle, so here are some reasonable suggestions to combat the excuses you’re likely to hear.
“This board works fine.”
The whole camber, rocker, flat kick blah blah blah tech bullshit can get confusing to someone who’s not paying attention. So be a pal and explain it to your friend in English: Snowboards are better and easier to ride now. *News Flash* – No Derek – Your board not “work fine”. Everyone in the lift line just seen you tomahawking your Type-A directly under the lift and you are now referred to as “That Guy”. This will get you ditched quicker than a prom night dumpster baby. Also when your buddy gets in the inevitable on-hill collision and starts screaming about how he’s “NOT AN INTERMEDIATE!” his Morrow & Clicker set-up will unfortunately not solidify his claims with ski patrol or reality.
Plus the experience of purchasing a board is only matched by the feeling of using it on that first pow day. Similar to the with the feeling your friend will get when he receives his Visa statement.
“I’m broke.”
Good news! Spring & Summer are definitely the times of the snowboard season to make that impulse purchase. Everything’s on sale! Buy now at a price-so-low the shops are basically paying to get rid of it, pay whenever the debt collectors start calling, and ride a good board next year. Chances are your Irie friend also buys low quality weed & a ton of mountain dew regularly – drop some simple Rastafarian Mathematics & show them the savings of purchasing in bulk larger amount and the savings will instantly be enough for a lift ticket- BOOM.
“I don’t snowboard enough to justify it.”
Obviously, your friend should be snowboarding more. So this means you just need to drag them along with you snowboarding every time you go. This one is your fault, so fix it. If they’re resisting, show them the WWE Smackdown Calander, there should only be one stop in your town which should free up a lot of his said busy time.
“I’d rather spend my money on other things.”
Money. It comes and goes. Explain to Todd that flame license plate frames and Taz steering wheel wraps are almost always on sale at Target & that he doesn’t need to keep buying the same Mackelmore album over and over.
“I’m used to this board.”
New boards are weird to ride, but only for the first run or two. So unless you’re friends with the guy who only takes two runs a day, tell them they’ll get used to the new one too. Use the analogy of your first car with your friend, sure you were used to driving it, you were also used to looking like a broke-ass bitch in it.
“I don’t care how I look.”
Come on, we’re Yobeat. You don’t really think we’d leave out the most important part of snowboarding did you? Obviously it’s looking cool, and one kooky friend can bring down the whole group. Everyone knows you get better service at ski resorts when you look like you know what you’re doing, and your buddy is screwing the whole group over. If your buddy doses not understand what you are talking about simply point out the guy in line with the spikey multi colored jester hat. Then gently whisper in to his ear, “That’s You Jared. That. Is. You.” Luckily Since you are a Yobeat reader, chances are you are a gear whore like most other “Shred Dawgs” and have two or more of every ‘essential’
