Television

The Crash: Seriously, Mad Men, WTF?

Those hoping for a throwback to some of the original humor and recurring jokes in the first three seasons of Arrested Development are likely to be pleased with one of the new clips from Season 4, as it takes us back to that bit of beads-bee confusion from the comedy's original run. Remember when Lindsay was saying beads only Gob thought she was saying bees? It's happening again. except this time it's Gob saying bees and George hearing beads. He's made a huge mistake, and something tells me that one's going to sting.

The thing I’m wondering most, after looking over the final 2012-2013 18-49 Nielsen Ratings (with DVR viewership factored in) is this: Who the hell did Community have to blow to get renewed? NBC’s show, in fact, was the lowest rated scripted program on a “real” network television to get a renewal last year, and it was low. As in, 88th. As in, 11 spots lower than Happy Endings, as in TELEVISION GODS, YOU SAVED THE WRONG SHOW. There were a few other surprises to me, like the fact that The Following was in the top 10. That Family Guy was 16th, but Bob’s Burgers was down around number 60. That New Girl was 27th, but that The Mindy Project is 71st. That Hannibal is higher rated than Celebrity Apprentice but that it hasn’t been renewed yet, while Donald Trump’s show has been. That Parenthood was all the way up to number 36 with DVR factored in, but that The Good Wife was all the way down at 65 once the old people were factored out. And that Grey’s Anatomy is still a top 10 show. Here’s the full top 100. (For the record, CW’s highest rated show was Vampire Diaries at #111, followed by Arrow at #118). If you’re curious, Vulture also has a fascinating chart on how returning shows compared to their ratings last year (spoiler alert: Worse, for the most part). 1. Sunday Night Football (NBC) — 7.9 2. Big Bang Theory (CBS) — 6.2 3. The Voice (NBC) — 5.1 4. Modern Family (ABC) — 4.9 5. The Voice NBC — 4.6 6. American Idol (Fox) — 4.6 7. American Idol (Fox) — 4.3 8. The Following (Fox) — 4.3 9. Two and a Half Men (CBS) — 4.3 10. Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) — 4.1 11. NCIS (CBS) — 4.0 12. Football in America (NBC) — 4.0 13. Revolution (NBC) — 3.9 14. 2 Broke Girls (CBS) — 3.7 15. How I Met Your Mother (CBS) — 3.7 16. Family Guy (Fox) — 3.6 17. Once Upon a Time (ABC) — 3.6 18. Survivor: Philippines (CBS) — 3.5 19. X-Factor (Fox) — 3.5 20. NCIS: LA (CBS) — 3.4 21. Person of Interest (CBS) — 3.4 22. Criminal Minds (CBS) — 3.3 23. The Bachelor (ABC) — 3.3 24. X-Factor (Fox) — 3.3 25. Mike & Molly (CBS) — 3.2 26. Glee (Fox) — 3.2 27. New Girl (Fox) — 3.2 28. Amazing Race (CBS) — 3.1 29. Survivor: Caramoan (CBS) — 3.1 30. Elementary (CBS) — 3.0 31. The Simpsons (Fox) — 2.9 32. Revenge (ABC) — 2.9 33. Scandal (ABC) — 2.9 34. CSI (CBS) — 2.8 35. Bones (Fox) — 2.8 36. Parenthood (NBC) — 2.8 37. Biggest Loser (NBC) — 2.8 38. Amazing Race (CBS) — 2.8 39. Hell’s Kitchen (Fox) — 2.7 40. Castle (ABC) — 2.7 41. The Office (NBC) — 2.6 42. Rules of Engagement (CBS) — 2.6 43. American Dad (Fox) — 26. 44. The Middle (ABC) — 2.5 45. Dancing the Stars (ABC) — 2.5 46. Hawaii Five-O (CBS) — 2.5 47. How to Live with Your Parents (ABC) — 2.4 48. Suburgatory (ABC) — 2.5 49. Mentalist (CBS) — 2.4 50. Grimm (ABC) — 2.4 51. Private Practice (ABC) — 2.4 52. Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — 2.4 53. 666 Park Avenue (ABC) — 24. 54. Saturday Night Football (ABC) — 2.3 55. Chicago Fire (NBC) — 2.3 56. Nashville (ABC) — 2.3 57. Partners (CBS) — 2.3 58. 60 Minutes (CBS) — 2.2 59. Go One (NBC) — 2.2 60. Bob’s Burgers (Fox) — 2.2 61. Law & Order: SVU (NBC) — 2.1 62. Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC) — 2.1 63. Parks and Recreation (NBC) — 2.1 64. Shark Tank (ABC) — 2.1 65. The Good Wife (CBS) — 2.0 66. The Last Resort (ABC) — 2.0 67. The Neighbors (ABC) — 2.0 68. The New Normal (NBC) — 2.0 69. Hannibal (NBC) — 2.0 70. UFC Saturday (Fox) — 2.0 71. The Mindy Project (Fox) — 2.0 72. Raising Hope (Fox) — 2.0 73. Blue Bloods (CBS) — 1.9 74. CSI: NY (CBS) — 1.9 75. Body of P

To the surprise of no one, there’s a Girls porn parody in the works, because if ever there was a show virtually begging to be parodied by a porno flick, it’s Girls. Here’s how Xbiz.com describes the Hustler-produced film. In the XXX parody, Hannah (Alex Chance) decides to forsake men, and boyfriend Adam, to experiment with lesbianism. After a few satisfying jaunts she returns to Adam — and mankind. Adam accepts her back into the fold, but, true to the original show, adds a dominant and quirky dimension to the scene. “[Adam’s] like, ‘OK, then crawl to my fucking bed,” Calhoun said, explaining how the action begins. The ensuing sex involves mild BDSM with a sprinkling of strange: In addition to dirty talk and rough sex, Adam uses a candy ballgag attached to a stretchy cord to direct Hannah’s face towards him. Adam using a “candy ballbag” in the course of dominant, rough sex? Sounds like a pretty typical episode of Girls to me! Anyway, also of little surprise is that there’s someone out there who is shocked and appalled that anyone would dare to satirize Girls via pornography, and that person’s name is Lena Dunham, of course. Yes, Dunham threw a hissy fit last night on Twitter over the whole thing… I’m just gonna shutup and leave this here and get out of the way. (Pic via Shutterstock)

American Idol has nailed down its first alum turned judge:

Hannibal hit the super creepy jackpot with the human totem pole, but that wasn't the only uncomfortable or weird thing from this week's "Trou Normand."

Michael Morrison, who joined the show last January, will be replaced in the second season by Rachel Miskowiec.read more

Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town! And it's headed to Universal Orlando Resort this summer. The Simpsons fans who have always wanted to visit the animated series' town will now have the opportunity to do so - or the closest thing to it - when Universal Orlando opens the new area of their park, which will allow fans to walk the streets of Springfield, and ride the new mega-attraction The Simpsons Ride.

Morgan Freeman was the guest on "The Daily Show" Thursday night, where he presumably did not doze off even once. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. In the opening segment, Jon Stewart quickly tore into President Obama's antiterror speech from earlier in the day. Related Articles: 'Daily Show' John Oliver Finds That Only Fictional Newsrooms Hire Investigative Reporters (Video) Obama Calls Boston Bombings 'Terrorism' in Second Briefing (Video) 'Egypt's Jon Stewart' Says Interrogators Were 'Nice' read more

Eight Chefs Compete: Nedra goes out in a blaze of profane glory.