Unemployment

If you hadn’t heard the news already, it’s true. The empress dowager of 16th Street may soon be exiled from her palace if enough money isn’t raised to pay off overdue city taxes. In a nutshell, city licensing fees for businesses were recently changed by the Board of Supervisors last year. Although the intention was to make the process easier, glitches in implementation and slow service have led to a few businesses finding themselves in a bind of overdue payments, no grace period and little recourse- Esta Noche being one of them. Now for those of you who are familiar with Esta Noche, you may find yourselves scratching your heads thinking, “Wait isn’t this the same place with huge covers and over-priced brew?” And you would be right. Although they have cheap ass specials during the day and evening just like any other bar, if you’ve cruised on through at show time, you have more than likely stood wavering on the sidewalk examining your billfold in disbelief at the end of the night. To be fair though, it hasn’t always been like this. Back when I first entered that magic glitter pit in 2000, the covers weren’t as bad and the drink prices were about the same as anywhere else. The neighbourhood’s been changing for sometime now though and the crowds that once packed the joint aren’t around as much anymore. Like a lot of old bars, when things get tight, they go into panic mode and the prices go up just to break even. Plus, they are putting on a show after all. And if you are being truly honest with yourself, you more than likely lost at least half of that change to one of the glamazons who cast you under her spell. And they are the ones that we really have to think about here: the regulars- both performers and patrons alike. Putting aside the crumbling Victorian decadence, disco balls, frenetic lighting scheme and Demetrie Kabbaz’ glorious portrait of Joe Dallesandro, we can’t lose this one because beyond being a divey gin mill, Esta Noche is sort of an unofficial embassy for many, but especially translatinas and monolingual queers alike. True, San Francisco is a great town and perceived safe harbour for queers all over, but that doesn’t mean that transphobic violence isn’t still an ongoing blight or that when you are new in town and don’t speak the language, Castro Street isn’t intimidating or even xenophobic. Tired she may be, but Esta Noche is still a tough old ruca to be reckoned with, who many need for support. So, if you find yourself on the corner of 16th and Valencia esta noche and got some dollar bills burning a hole in your chones, simply pass under the fabled yellow marquee, order yourself a piña colada and let the heady wave of pancake make-up, Aqua Net and sanitizer wash over you as a dozen multi-coloured lights twinkle above. Esta noche, and, hopefully, many more noches to come. Save Esta Noche! Fundraiser Featuring Little Lulu, Persia, Reina de Aztlan, Heklina, Anna Conda, Monistat, Grace Towers,  DJs Carnita, Brown Amy, Sergio Fedasz and a Cast of Thousands More 9:00 p.m.- 2:00 a.m. $10- $20 Sliding Scale 21+ Esta Noche 3079 16th Street (@ Rondel) [Inner Mission] SF

I was the Executive Chef for a private Hospital. Never in my life I thought I would be in this position. I was laid off with no notice, severance package or anything. I was making too much money. I have a family and no income. I can’s find a job anywhere and I feel lost. At one time I had everything and I’m close to be homeless. Years of experience and a strong resume is not enough. I have faith and I know everything happens for a reason but if I don’t get a job, I will end up on the streets. This post was submitted by Mac.

Last night I read at an event called “You’re Going to Die: Poetry, Prose, and Everything Goes”. Up until a few days ago, when I was prepping for the reading, I forgot about this story that I’d written. As you can guess, it’s about me finding my neighbor dead in my hall way. It happend right after I moved to SF when I was 21. Read below. You’ll like this story. The actual building where this all happened It was 9:35am and I was starting down the stairs in order to catch a bus that would get me to work by ten. As I bounded down to the tiny landing that separated the first set of stairs from the first apartments, I saw him splayed out with his legs on the last couple steps and his head blocking the door. I recognized him as the old man who lived two stories above me and smoked joints. Even though I’d never seen a dead body before, I also recognized him as dead the first second I saw him laying there. “SIR! SIR! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” His face had a bluish quality about it. He must have tripped and hit his head. There was a small scratch on the door from where his glasses scraped against it. “FUCK! Sir…” I ran back up stairs and managed to tell my roommate Peter what I had found at the bottom of the stairs and call 911, in the same breath. “Shit, who is he?” “I think he fucking lives two above us, with the little fucking plants.” “Fuck, I’ll go knock and see if anyone knows him.” I brought the cordless phone down with me to the old man and talked to the operator while Peter flew upstairs to knock on people’s doors. In a trembling voice filled with umms and and’s, I explained to the operator what I had found. “Is he unconscious?” The operator was just a shade less calm than the man lying next to me. “I told you he’s not breathing, he’s fucking blue.” “Has rigor mortis set in?” “What?” I knew what it was, I just couldn’t think straight. “Has he gone stiff?” “Uh, yes I guess I don’t know.” “Is he stiff?” “Uh…” “Bend his arm, see if he’s stiff.” His arm wasn’t stiff. I bent it. It was heavy like a real person’s. “No it’s not stiff.” Upstairs there was noise. Peter had found someone who knew the old man. I could hear him coming down the stairs. “Dennis?” He said the name like someone preparing himself for tragedy. When he hit the landing and saw the old man, his voice showed that there is no preparation for tragedy. “OH MY GOD! DENNIS! OH MY GOD!” “Have you given him C.P.R.?” The operator’s voice brought me back. “I don’t know how” “DENNIS! OH MY GOD! YOUR GONNA BE OK BUDDY! STAY WITH US! OH MY GOD! DENNIS!” “Do you want me to instruct you?” I could hear the sirens now. Things started to swirl a little. “Hello?” “Ya?” “Do you want me to instruct you on C.P.R.? It’s your choice.” “Uh…” I turned to the neighbor. “Do you know C.P.R.?” He didn’t answer me, he just moved in and began C.P.R.. I heard the sirens getting real close and the paramedics pulling up, so I got off the phone and said, “We’re gonna have to move him so the paramedics can come in.” “We’re not supposed to move his head,” Peter answered. “But how the fuck are the paramedics gonna get in?” The neighbor said nothing and moved Dennis out of the way the best he could. Blood streaked across the white tile floor as the neighbor slid Dennis’s body across it. I sat back watching as the neighbor did C.P.R. and the paramedics tried to wedge their bodies inside the small space created by Dennis’s body and the door. The last thing I saw before I went back to my apartment was the paramedics ripping open Dennis’s shirt and one of his buttons flying up the stairs and landing next to my foot. I sat in the funky smelling orange chair that came with the apartment, looking through the window at the proceedings going on outside the building. I knew that I was gonna have to go down and talk to the cops, since I was the one who found Dennis, but I just didn’t want to have to see the body again. I stuck my head out the window. “Hey do you wanna talk to me? I’m th

It’s Bike-to-Work Day in New York City! There will be plenty of traffic in those bike lanes today and also a handful of fueling stations handing out FREE Brooklyn Roasting Company coffee, Vita Coco and breakfast from KIND and Cabot. And who do we have to thank for this? We can thank both California-based active sports accessory company, Giro, and New York’s leading advocate for safe and healthy public transit, Transportation Alternatives! Okay, okay, you want details about the party tonight. Tonight, Giro and Transportation Alternative have put together the Bike Home From Work Party! It’s the biggest “biking bash in Dumbo, under the arch of the Manhattan Bridge” Festivities begin at 6:30pm and it’s FREE! Expect the following: Pop-up shops, like Giro’s “New Road” apparel line and the Shinola bicycle collection Brooklyn Brewery beer garden Food vendors curated by the Brooklyn Flea FREE food and drinks from Brooklyn Roasting Co., KIND, Cabot, Vita Coco and PopChips Reflective Fashion show projected onto the Manhattan Bridge DIY Silkscreen Station with Holstee, bike-friendly braid bar, Self-Portrait Project photo booth And much more! Make sure to RSVP here for this awesome event! Bike Home From Work Party TONIGHT at 6:30pm FREE The Archway Under the Manhattan Bridge, on Water St. (between Adams and Pearl St.) [DUMBO] Photo Credit: bikenyc.org

History + Beer = Awesome! It’s one of the oldest equations of all time. And the fine folks over at the FlipSide want to reward those of you who love this equation by giving away 3 pairs of tickets to their upcoming event History and Hops: SF’s Brewing Past. This rad event is happening at the Old Mint on Tuesday, May 23rd. I’m cutting and pasting all the details below, but if you wanna win tickets to this event use the entry form that’s below the cut and pasted bits. Also, did I mention that it’s unlimited beer tasting??? An evening that explores the past and present of San Francisco’s brewing culture. This special event will feature SF craft beer tasting, historical talks, brewer presentations, and an exhibit of rarely-seen historical brewing memorabilia. Held in the historic 1874 San Francisco Mint, this event will be the first of it’s kind to showcase the unique history of brewing in our City while looking forward to the future. Join us to taste the past and enjoy the present of San Francisco’s best! • UNLIMITED Tasting of all breweries • Presentation on brewing history • Interactive yeast exhibit • Historical brewing memorabilia exhibit • Docent led tours of the historic 1874 Old Mint • Souvenir sampling mug included • Photobooth Sponsored by UpOutSF • Music by DJ Jacob • Food by Soul Groove (for purchase) • 21+ with valid ID Program Info • John Freeman – The Curious 150 Year Cycle of Brewing Beer in San Francisco • Dave Burkhart – History of California Lager • A History of Yeast: Man’s Oldest Industrial Organism • San Francisco Brewers Guild Panel Discussion • Screening of Brewers by the Bay Film Participating Breweries • 21st Amendment Brewery • Magnolia Gastropub & Brewery • Triple Voodoo Brewing • Beach Chalet Restaurant & Brewery • Thirsty Bear Brewing Company • Cerveceria de MateVeza • Speakeasy Ales & Lagers • Pine Street Brewery • Anchor Brewing Company • Pacific Brewing Laboratory $30 General Admission Buy your tickets here. Win Tix to History and Hops: Tasting SF’s Brewing Past You need to enable javascript to enter this campaign !Powered by PromoSimple. Click to Copy

Like reading? Like Bay to Breakers? I’ve got a book for you. Bay to Breakers is one of my favorite days of the year. People come out dressed in angel outfits, sperm costumes, wizard robes, or wearing nothing but body paint and glitter to spend a Sunday morning parading across town in glorious, boombox fueled public intoxication. I wrote a novel called Sidewalk Ritual about a guy finding himself in this great city, and the last 4 chapters are all set in the beautiful chaos that is Bay to Breakers. You can read a description and reviews here on Amazon. To celebrate Bay to Breakers this weekend, I’m holding a contest to give away 3 FREE signed paperback copies. Enter for a FREE autographed print copy here! And for you ebook freaks, it’s totally FREE to downlaod from May 16 – 18 on Amazon.

We all know that anything that comes out of a woman (other than relentless orgasms) is completely unnatural and disgusting. If that wasn’t the case, then jokes about it would seem hackneyed and unoriginal. But women must really like bleeding out their vag, otherwise why would they spend 11.4% of their lives doing it. Come on ladies, knock it off already! I really don’t understand the culture of shame surrounding menstruation, particularly when it comes to having sex with a woman on her period. What is it that makes shitty rappers wake up in the morning screaming “these periods aren’t going to rap about themselves!“? I understand that periods are “dirty” in the sense that blood stains clothes (maybe O.J. was just on his period when he was murdering Nicole). I understand that anytime you see blood, there’s a visceral reaction of “oh fuck someone is injured!”. But we’re smart, evolved people. We know that having sex on your period is no more dangerous than sex off it. And sometimes it can have benefits beyond non-menstruation sex. For instance, every time I’ve fucked a chick on her period, she’s been hella moist, dawg. The first time I had sex with a woman on her period happened to be the first time I did a lot of things with a woman, including anal, titty-fucking, and other things that would just be gratuitous to post about, which you know, totally isn’t my style. I shit you not, I was left a thank you note the next morning that told me to friend her on Facebook, and when I did, it said the Bible was her favorite book, which is one helluva way to come to Jesus. I also went down on her that night. I try not to watch sports because they remind me that I’m a pussy, but I’ve always had a special place in my heart for the Red Wings. BUT BRO THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD AND IT’S GOING TO GET ALL IN YOUR MOUTH AND OH MY GOD YOU’RE GONNA GET AIDS. If you’re getting blood in your mouth from going down on a chick, bro, you’re probably not concentrating your efforts in the right places. And back to that 11.4% number. If you don’t want to have sex with a chick when she’s on her period, you have to realize that you’re saying 11.4% of the time you don’t want to have sex with a chick. What the fuck, man. Throw down something dark under her and problem’s solved. And just so things don’t get too heavy (meh), when you’re done sing a nice song as she’s walking to the bathroom in her towel diaper. Honest question for the female readers: does your period smell? I’ve never been with a woman who’s been on her period and had there be any odor, which confuses me every time a “freshness” or “odor” commercial comes on: *Please dear baby Jesus, make the internet work when I google Courtney Cox Tampax Commercial* And how many things OTHER than vagina is your vagina supposed to smell like? I don’t want your vagina to smell like the beach. The beach is sandy as fuck. And has things like this. You should make tampons that smell like things I actually like, like lasagna (note to self: trademark On the Ragu). By the way, supposedly there’s all sorts of bleached chemical bad shit in tampons, which are also expensive as fuck. If you’re not aware, there are alternatives, whose biggest hurdle is overcoming the stigmatization of menstruation. Who left their period blood in the sink again!?? Anyway. Dudes: don’t be dicks. Ladies: relax, and don’t feel bad/gross on behalf of the dudes. Or just become a lesbian. Uterine lining, shed on! —- FREE Porn Pick of the Week (NSFW): Faye Regan and Alpha Beta Fukka Full Disclosure podcast Episode 41: Viagra Challenge & The World’s Biggest Penis (this is a fun one, guys) For more Full Disclosure updates be sure to like us on Facebook and follow me on Twitter

Every week we feature a different person from the community shedding a little light on their life of brokeitude. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something about the human spirit — probably not. Wanna be a Broke-Ass of the Week? Holler at us here and we’ll send you the questionnaire. Joanne is one of the fantastic scribes who writes for BrokeAssStuart.com. I’ve been lucky so far in getting great writers since I can’t pay them in anything other than high-fives, hugs, and the occasional party invite. That said, it’s been a long time since we had one of the writers as Broke-Ass of the Week, so this is kinda exciting. When I asked Joanne what she’d like included in the intro here, this is what she had to say: For the intro for BA of the Week, we can just include that I am currently unemployed and have been since graduating from college in May 2012, aside from a seasonal summer job at a golf course which has saved my life and will probably do so again this upcoming summer. I am a freelance cr

Yamo What is it about Burmese food and long waits? Burma Superstar in the Inner Richmond is legendary for the starving throngs that gather like cicadas at the entrance, killing over an hour in the hope of obtaining a table. Yamo isn’t nearly as popular, but it’s a fifth the size, consisting of just one long counter facing onto a small, open kitchen at which a trio of stone-faced and silent women sauté, chop and boil various food stuffs with an efficiency which belies their ponderous gaits.  There isn’t any music, just the low hum of furtive conversation, the sizzle and pop of food, and the occasional impatient squawk from one of these marvels of agile rotundity.  An Australian Shepherd would turn tail and flee yelping into the night with shame and inadequacy at witnessing the skill with which these women get people in and out.  Questions about food, hesitation, doubt, anything not essential to getting your order taken and cooked as quickly as possible will be met by derision.  It’s a g

Remember all that crazy shit that went down with Adobe Books? Well they’ve moved and are having a party to prove it. I’m really cracked out from staring at this computer all day so I”m just gonna copy and paste stuff, but in the meantime, go over and RSVP on the FB event page. They want to know you’re coming: Join us for our first event at our new home on 24th St! The Adobe Books & Art Collective will host the first Adobe Marketplace event this Saturday May 18th. Discover the talented local artists and merchants who will sell their wares from the brand-new Adobe Bookstore. Enjoy music, food & drinks. This Saturday afternoon event is sponsored by Rainbow Grocery and Speakeasy Ales and Lagers. All bar proceeds and 10% of marketplace sales will be donated to help open the new Adobe Books. A few of our fabulous participants: * Cool Try, clothing & accessories by artist Ryan De La Hoz * Shirts by Amos * The Bold Italic, products by SF locals- along with postcards, posters and other Bold Ita